Dear Tiny Human,

You’re not here yet and you’re already your Dad and I’s world and I love you to the moon and back but this sharing a body thing has been hell.

They tell you pregnancy is magical and beautiful and sunshine and rainbows… But that’s not true for everyone. My experience has not been instagram worthy photos and cute outfits. It has been vomiting so much I got dizzy and crying because it just won’t stop. It’s been knowing I’m not the only person to have this experience but still feeling alone in coping with it. But let’s start at the beginning, and share that story with others in full.

Before we could even see you in an image, I knew, but those two little lines confirmed it. You were a huge surprise, but that’s a total different story for another time. Our relationship had been a constant state of sickness and a total lack of energy for me. Every 4 hours like clockwork, no matter what I did to prevent it you had me running back to the bathroom to throw up. I stayed like that, exhausted, dehydrated and sick until your dad finally convinced my stubborn self to talk to the doctor about how sick I’d been. They gave me medicine to try and curb it, which lead to my spending crazy amounts of time on Google trying to make sure taking it wouldn’t hurt you. Some of them worked, others not to much. I felt alot of guilt during this time, guilt for not being strong enough to not need the medications, for not being able to eat enough or keep food and water down. It was some of the hardest months I’d ever faced. By the time we found one that worked for me and I had convinced myself it wouldn’t hurt you our first trimester together was over. In a whirlwind of naps, puking and being terrified.

It was hard, and lonely because of the surprising way you came to be your dad and I were scared to tell anyone until we knew you were real, even your big sister! When I got pregnant I was already struggling with mental health, and our first few weeks definitely put me to the test but looking back I wouldn’t change it. We earned that milestone together. Look how far we’d come at the end of 12 weeks.